It’s time to write my April blog. What is a “blog” anyhow? Why do I call this a blog? That word, “blog” actually really annoys me. I feel like there is something strangely pretentious about it. Like, “I might have something to say and if I call it a “blog” that could maybe give some weird cyber credibility to it (although not a ton) and people might take a moment to check it out.” I would much rather write an “article”. My reasons for writing an “article” versus a “blog” definitely being pretentious at their core. What’s a girl to do? . . . probably just make a decision about what to call this writing thing I’m doing and own it.
And then, I’m not a procrastinator. Yet here I am, thinking of all the really important things I could be doing right now. Like, googling earth-friendly shampoos and conditioners that I can get in reusable bottles so that I can increase my ‘Protect the Earth’ game. And while that is important, especially as it’s Earth Month and all, it is a not-so-clever tactic that my distracted mind is using to avoid sitting down and tapping my creativity in order to connect with anyone who decides to read this – blog, or article, or whatever I’m deciding to call it.
That brings me to part of my resistance: I really enjoy writing. In fact, I love to write! It is the primary way I process my feelings, revelations, and life experiences. There is something profound that happens when I open a good journal with a good pen in my hand (preferably a Pilot, premium gel roller, bold – 1.0, in case you’re wondering). A portal opens up in me and things that were previously not available to my conscious mind, come flowing out onto the paper to my great wonder and relief! However, in this scrambly internet world of all things tech, my website gal informs me that I must now restructure my writing (and process) to include, or consider, or pander to (that’s my word, not hers) all things SEO. And I’ll tell you what, nothing kills my desire to write faster than having to nitpick over every word I’m using so that I can click all the little bot boxes in Google’s sooo-helpful, exclusive stranglehold over my ability to optimize my audience on the interwebs. (And yes, at the same time I recognize the benefits of growing and changing and learning to go with the new flow of things. But I digress from my rant . . .)
So here I sit. A little paralyzed by not knowing exactly how to communicate effectively, or even to decide what would be interest-worthy enough to write about to begin with.
And yet . . . my intent in writing anything at all is to share my life and my practice with you in hopes of making a connection. I know how relieved and grateful I feel when I read something that strums the strings of truth in me. How it makes me resonate with hope and courage. I feel seen and like I’m part of something larger than myself. I am so fortunate that my job on this Earth is to connect people back to themselves and their light and healing and the great love in them that also surrounds them. My desire to write and share comes from the same place in me. There is light in you. You are loved tremendously. All will be well. Bots be damned, and SEO too!
And speaking of journeys, as a collective group, we are in one heck of a dark and desperate place presently. There is a lot of noise surrounding us. All the time. It can get deafening and we can become overwhelmed and paralyzed, uncertain. At the same time there is beauty happening all around us. Especially in the most unexpected of places: I met my true love new husband at a kegger! I was recently pulling a hillside worth of stubborn, choking weeds and I found some tiny blooming flowers that looked remarkably like little pink and white snails. The reality of Earth life is rough. But in the words of the poet, Rich Mullins, “There is too much beauty around us for just 2 eyes to see, but everywhere I go, I’m looking.”
Oh yeah, right! . . . after that little rant, I’m now remembering what it is that I wanted to tell you this month: On March 25th, down at a breath-taking little beach, in the company of my 3 sons, I got to marry the great love of my life! I was married before. It was a hard, wrecking process of dying and trying and dying and I swore I would never do it again. And then last summer (August the 13th, to be exact), at the kegger party before my 31st high school reunion, I met Gregory Kesslau for the first time in my life. There were no bells or whistles (in fact, there were, but I was so determined to not be swept off my feet that I hadn’t noticed them yet). We visited. We visited and exchanged numbers the next night. And then the following week was a whirlwind of texting and dating and falling in love like starry-eyed romantics, shot through the heart by a quiver full of cupid’s arrows! By the end of that week, we knew we would get married. I truly feel like the stars aligned for us. Like the Universe breathed out a deep breath of satisfaction as all the wounds and bruises, triumphs and victories, moves across the country and back, diseases and sicknesses, job changes, losses, gains, and roads travelled and untraveled all led us to the one moment where we stepped into each other’s hearts and arms and found our home there. This gets to be my story! I get to be this magical, earthy, deep and generous soul of a man’s wife! And he gets to be my husband. So, this April is the start of a new journey for me –for us, it’s all things new!
When you find yourself, like me, frustrated and ranting about having to accommodate new, hard things into your life, or if you’re watching devastation on the news, or trying to find a space of peace and silence in a body swimming in pain, try something different. Look up. . . . or down, or out or in – a change of focus can be a magical thing! It can connect us back to ourselves, or others, or nature, or truth, or beauty. The list goes on, but the effect is the same -connection. We need each other. It’s why I’m still writing these article blogs even though it’s hard for me to learn how to engage a new way of writing so that both myself and my readers can benefit from the SEO gods. It’s out of my desire to connect to you. And to connect you to the things in your own life that will hold you and nurture you forward on your journey to all Is well.
We are held in love. And we are full of light. As my favorite poet, Mary Oliver says, “Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine . . .” In this way, sharing our hearts, hurts, loves, and losses, we heal each other. We heal ourselves. We foster connection which, in turn, strums the strings of truth in our hearts that rings out as hope and courage. We are not alone . . . and as we learn to believe and embrace it, we can begin to trust that truly, all will be well~
Thank you for reading along~
*No SEO bots were taken into consideration in the writing of this article blog.*